According to The Art of the Bonsai Potato, Bonsai Potato is "the art of nurturing the artistic vision of a potato through various forms of encouragement and manipulation." To me, a Bonsai Potato can be so much more.

I find that the 30 to 45 seconds that I spend trimming, whispering encouraging remarks or just admiring my Bonsai Potato are the most relaxing moments of my day. I get a sense of accomplishment and camaraderie when friends and family look at my potato and say "...um...wow," and I always have plausible evidence for an insanity plea, "just in case."

Non-organic potatoes will typically last longer than organic, but will have a much shorter productive period. Most supermarket chains purchase potatoes that have been "treated" with a creativity inhibitor, which will stifle their tendency to sprout. Evidently, consumers typically want to have barren potatoes for their cooking needs.

A normal, non-organic potato will have a life span of 3 to 5 months, depending on relative humidity, temperament, how it is treated, and fate.

Well, if friends with their fancy persuasion
Don't admit that it's part of a scheme,
Then I can't help but have my suspicions
'Cause I ain't quite as dumb as I seem.
And you said you was never intending
To break up our singing this way,
But there ain't any use in pretending.
It could happen to us any day.

How long has this been going on?
How long has this been going on?

Oh, your friends with their fancy persuasion
Don't admit that it's part of a scheme.
But I can't help but have my suspicions
'Cause I ain't quite as dumb as I seem.
Oh, you said you was never intending
To break up our singing this way,
But there ain't any use in pretending.
It could happen to us any day.

And how long has this been going on?
How long has this been going on?
How long?
How long has this been going on?
How long has this been going on?
How long has this been going on?
How long?
How long has this been going on?

This has got to be one of the most common questions asked by budding Bonsai Potato artists, and I would like to begin answering with a question of my own. Why would you want to? There has never been a successful arrangement of this sort.

The mono-planar asymmetrical alternating branch stalk is so charismatic that it comands it's own solitude. It is not merely a dominant potato, or even an uber-alpha-tuber, it can be the only potato. By placing it in a multi-variety (or even a multi-potato homotuberous) arrangement you risk the psychological destruction of the secondary potatoes as well as the irreverent humiliation of the mono-planar asymmetrical alternating branch stalk.

Most potatoes, unlike people, will go through their entire lifespan without smelling or attracting bugs. They will eventually become inert and petrify . If a potato has started to express a particularly 'creative' odor then you have what is referred to as an 'evil potato'. You should emotionally detach and dispose of it immediately before it corrupts any other potatoes in your growing environment.

The road to inner peace is open to all who wish to travel it. The express lane is a toll road. The Art of the Bonsai potato Kit: Zen — Without the wait! is reasonably priced and provides all of the secrets of the Bonsai Potato masters.

By studying the information provided in the book and dedicating a percentage of your life (I myself have dedicated .0000092%) you can master the discipline, release the creative potential of your potatoes, and become a Bonsai Potato master!